Shouldn't I strive to be the best person I can be? Absolutely. And the key parts of that phrase are 'strive' and 'best I can be'. Strive is an infinitive verb, not a superlative or comparative. We aren't running a race against anyone. We are climbing a mountain. The only competition is to strive for personal best. Life can't be a competition because the playing field isn't level. And we are not automatons that can be calibrated. We are complex multi-dimensional organic creatures. We each of us carries her own back pack of variables, life experiences, learned behaviors and coping skills.
Stress abounds when I turn every aspect of life into a competitive match. Who is the prettiest, wealthiest, smartest, best singer, best baseball player, most popular? Some situations present unavoidable competition; others are artificially constructed to be competitive (coping in the workplace for example). As much as possible to reduce stress and live in health and peace, concentrate on your personal best, regardless of what others would, should or could do.
And what constitutes 'personal best' changes from day to day. Some days, I can almost move mountains. Other days, it's a chore to lift my head off from the pillow. Strive indicates a ongoing, one day at a time process. Life is a journey, not a destination. We fall off the bike, get derailed and fail. But the path is still there waiting. Life has no deadline, no finish line, no time table. This doesn't mean I shouldn't set personal goals. But if the goal is unrealistic, or for whatever reason, I can't or don't complete the goal, there is absolutely no reason to despair.
Often we set such lofty and unfair goals for ourselves that failure is a given. Try setting smaller, more realistic short term goals. You weren't able to write 10 articles in a day? Don't feel guilty. Reset your goal to a more manageable one; try for 3 a day and then when you do 5, you can feel like a super hero. Be nice to yourself. Reward the effort as well as the success. Time is a continuum; it's not static. If I don't finish college this semester, do it next semester. Try again. And again.
Al-Anon has another slogan the gels well with 'practice not perfection'; 'don't quit quitting'. Said differently, 'keep on keeping on.' The worst thing you can do to yourself, and this sends stress cortisol levels through the roof, is to berate and antagonize yourself. Doubtless if your friend was suffering, you'd be there for her. Now be there for yourself. The more a person practices his own program, the healthier we all are. For more Al-Anon slogan meditations, visit me at www.emotionalhealthhelp.blogspot.com.
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